Mark 10:1-12
Radical Commitment: God’s Heart For Marriage.
Mark 10:1-12
Chapter 10 contains fundamental lessons about discipleship. These are lessons every follower of Jesus must learn.
They all revolve around the idea of radical commitment.
Jesus wants us to be radically committed to Him in every area of our lives.
That is the lesson He wanted His disciples to learn on the way to the cross; that is the lesson He wants you and I to learn as we look back on the cross and forward towards His second coming.
As a follower of Jesus, your life is not a pie chart where Jesus gets a slice of the pie. Jesus wants the whole thing. He wants every category.
Family, possession, work, recreation, relationships… He wants it all.
If you’re one of His followers, He has purchased it all by His blood.
1 Cor. 6:19-20 “you are not your own; you were bought with a price, therefore honor God with your bodies.”
Today’s theme, beginning on verse 2, is the theme of radical commitment in marriage.
If we are going to be effective disciples of Jesus and shine like stars in this darkened world… we must be radically committed to the sanctity of the marriage covenant.
This commitment is for ALL of us… young, old, single, engaged, married, formerly married… Jesus is calling us to be a people who uphold God’s heart for marriage.
Mark 10:1–12 (ESV): 10 And he left there and went to the region of Judea and beyond the Jordan, and crowds gathered to him again. And again, as was his custom, he taught them.
2 And Pharisees came up and in order to test him asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” 3 He answered them, “What did Moses command you?” 4 They said, “Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of divorce and to send her away.” 5 And Jesus said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment. 6 But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ 7 ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, 8 and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. 9 What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”
10 And in the house the disciples asked him again about this matter. 11 And he said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her, 12 and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.”
The reason this conversation exists… the reason divorce exists… is because we don’t have God’s heart for marriage.
If we had God’s heart for marriage… if we thought about marriage in the way God thinks about it… divorce among followers of Jesus would be a non-issue.
Disclaimers:
First, If divorce has left a wound in your heart, there is peace, forgiveness, healing and hope for you in Jesus.
Secondly: Most Bible teachers agree that the Bible does give some scenarios in which divorce is permitted.
For example:
Desertion - 1 Corinthians 7
Adultery - Matthew 5 and 19
You could make the case that ongoing abuse could constitute grounds for divorce.
BUT, we are NOT going to get into all of that today.
Much of that is highly situational and it’s very hard to make blanket statements about what constitutes biblical grounds for divorce.
To focus on grounds for divorce is to miss the point of what Jesus is getting at here in this passage.
The Pharisees come to Him wanting to get into the weeds about what constitutes grounds for divorce.
Jesus is more interested in giving them God’s heart for marriage.
As followers of Jesus, rather than asking: ‘what are legitimate grounds for divorce’, we should be asking, ‘what is God’s heart for marriage’?
Mark 10:1–12 (ESV):
1 And he left there and went to the region of Judea and beyond the Jordan, and crowds gathered to him again. And again, as was his custom, he taught them.
2 And Pharisees came up and in order to test him
In other words, this was not an honest question. They weren’t interested in learning from Jesus; they just wanted to trap Him in His words.
Here’s their trap:
asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?”
Of all the topics they could have used to trap Jesus, why this one?
Because the subject of divorce was just as volatile, just as controversial, in Jesus’ day as it is in our day.
In Jesus’ day this topic was both politically charged as well as theologically charged.
It was politically charged because King Herod (who we read about back in chapter 6) had gotten an illegitimate divorce in order to steal and marry his brother’s wife Herodias. John the Baptist spoke out about it, and what happened to him?
So the logic goes, if they can get Jesus to say something negative about divorce, they can frame Him as being anti-Herod and maybe He’ll face the same fate as John the Baptist.
It was theologically charged because there were two rabbinical schools within Judaism back then. There was the school of Shammai, and the school of Hillel.
The school of Shammai was more conservative. Their take on divorce was that a man could divorce his wife if she was committing indecent acts.
The school of Hillel was more liberal. They held that a man could divorce his wife for any number of reasons.
The Pharisees know that if they can get Jesus to take a side, they can get Him in trouble with the people and with the Jewish authorities.
So this is not just a question about divorce; it’s a question of, “what can we get away with?”
The parallel account in Matthew gets to the heart of their question: “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any cause?” Matt. 19:3
That was the question behind the question. They wanted to know if Jesus would affirm an easy way out of marriage.
3 He answered them, “What did Moses command you?” 4 They said, “Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of divorce and to send her away.”
What they’re referring to is Deuteronomy 24…
Which was an allowance for the nation of Israel that basically stated that if a man did divorce his wife because of “some indecency in her”, and if she were to become someone else’s wife, and then THAT man divorces her… the former husband could not go and take advantage of her and pull her back into the original marriage.
In other words, it was a law designed to protect women in a patriarchal society.
Deuteronomy 24:1–4 (ESV): 24 “When a man takes a wife and marries her, if then she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, and she departs out of his house, 2 and if she goes and becomes another man’s wife, 3 and the latter man hates her and writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, or if the latter man dies, who took her to be his wife, 4 then her former husband, who sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after she has been defiled, for that is an abomination before the LORD. And you shall not bring sin upon the land that the LORD your God is giving you for an inheritance.
But these guys had read into it that God was allowing a man to divorce his wife for any reason at all.
5 And Jesus said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment.
We know that God’s heart is not for divorce.
In fact, in Malachi God straight up says, “I hate divorce”.
So what is God’s heart?
6 But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ 7 ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, 8 and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. 9 What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.’
Let’s unpack this.
“...from the beginning of creation”
Marriage is a God-ordained institution that begins all the way at creation.
The fact that Jesus is pointing all the way back to creation means that God’s heart for marriage does not change with the times. God’s design for marriage transcends culture and history.
For us, this means that just because we live in 21st century America doesn’t mean God’s heart for marriage or His terms for marriage have changed.
We live in a society that is trying to redefine marriage in all kinds of ways.
Jesus is saying we don’t get to do that. God created marriage, and He gets to define its terms.
‘God made them male and female’
God’s heart for marriage is that it would be between a biological man and woman.
From the beginning of creation it has been so.
‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife’.
Here is another way we see God’s heart for marriage.
When you get married, you leave your singleness behind and you must “hold fast” to your spouse.
In this relationship, each partner has roles to play.
We talked about this when we studied Ephesians 5 last year.
Husbands are commanded to love their wives sacrificially, like Christ loves the church.
Wives are commanded to submit to their husband’s leadership (insofar as it doesn’t contradict God’s stated will).
Marriage is not to be driven by what we can ‘get’ from the other person, but rather by what we can ‘give’.
Also, notice the relationship between parents and spouse: When you get married, your spouse needs to take precedence even over your parents.
That doesn’t mean your parents stop being important, or that you stop honoring your father and mother; but it does mean you now have a different order of priorities: Your spouse and their needs come first.
There can sometimes be the tendency to want to continue to cling to our parents even after we are married. Financially, emotionally, etc. This is not biblical. From the moment you take your vows, your spouse is the most important person in your life.
‘And the two shall become one flesh’ ‘So they are no longer two but one flesh.’
When you get married, you become “one” in several ways.
This happens physically through sex, which is why it’s such a profound sin to sleep with someone who isn’t your spouse.
Sleeping with someone who you are not married to, even if it’s your boyfriend or girlfriend, even if you’re committed to each other, even if you love each other… is to transgress and pervert God’s design.
As a side note: It is never too late to change directions and do things God’s way.
If we confess our sins, God is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness (1 Jn. 1:9)
There are other ways we become one when we get married:
You are joined financially.
You are joined emotionally.
You are joined spiritually.
You are joined domestically, especially after you have kids.
In many ways what I’m describing sounds like the average committed dating relationship doesn’t it?
That’s because people tend to over-commit in dating… and then they wonder why it feels like divorce when they break up.
Jesus final, nail-in-the-coffin argument against divorce:
9 What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.’
This is very encouraging.
If your marriage is struggling, hear this: The God of the Universe has joined you together, and He is for your marriage! His heart is for your marriage to succeed! You have the greatest advocate there is, rooting you on, empowering you with His Holy Spirit!
And Jesus’ point is… who are you, O man, to try to come against God and destroy a union that He Himself has sovereignly created.
10 And in the house the disciples asked him again about this matter. 11 And he said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her, 12 and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.”
We know based on other texts that there are rare exceptions. We have to read the whole counsel of God’s Word… we can’t build a theology of divorce and remarriage off of these three verses alone.
But make no mistake: as Jesus’ disciples, He’s calling us to radical commitment in every area of our lives, and marriage is no exception.
This commitment to marriage is as desperately needed today as it’s ever been. Our culture is falling apart. And so much of the decline of our society stems from the degradation of marriage. And the degradation of marriage ultimately stems from a wrong heart about marriage.
There’s another level to all of this.
In Ephesians 5:32 Paul elaborates on this same phrase “the two shall become one flesh”. He calls it a great mystery. He says the reason it’s so profound is because it ultimately points to something even greater. He says the marital union is really a picture of Christ’s love for His bride, the Church.
So when we get divorced, it not only dishonors the sacred covenant of marriage, it also dishonors what the covenant represents, namely the gospel.
But the positive is also true: when we stick it out in our marriages and persevere in our love for one another, we honor the gospel. We depict Jesus’ love to a world who needs to see radical, committed love.
I want to invite you to recover God’s heart for marriage as outlined by Jesus in this passage. Just by embracing Jesus’ perspective, you and I can participate in promoting God’s heart in a world that desperately needs it.
If you’re currently married, know that your marriage is a covenant ordained by God that is intended to last a lifetime.
If you are thinking about getting married, go into it with a ‘burn the ships’ mentality. There’s no going back. Because to dissolve a marriage is to misrepresent the God who never leaves us nor forsakes us.
If you have the chance to influence someone else’s marriage, please take that responsibility very seriously. We learned from Jesus in the last chapter how serious it is to lead someone into sin. Be an advocate for other’s marriages.
Parents, I want to plead with you to carefully model for your kids what biblical marriage looks like. When you fail, take it as an opportunity to point out what it should look like.
If you are single and have no intention of ever being married… you can still do your part to carry and promote God’s heart for marriage through how you talk about it with others.
All of us have a role to play.
What happens when we fail to uphold God’s heart for marriage?
When we fail, we lean on the glorious truth of the gospel which is this:
Our propensity to fail in marriage is really just symptomatic of our deep, heart level propensity to fail in general. This is not any different today than it was in Jesus’ day or in David’s day or in Moses’ day or in Adam’s day.
Our hearts are weak and easily deceived. We are like sheep that easily wander away from our Shepherd.
Isaiah 53 - “we all like sheep have gone astray” (this is the human condition).
Our rampant unfaithfulness is an ever present reminder of our desperate need for our ever-faithful Savior, Jesus Christ.
In scripture, Jesus is pictured as a bridegroom, and the Church His bride. And here’s the good news that we can all cling to: Jesus is never, ever unfaithful to His bride.
He never breaks His covenant with His people.
The reason your covenant relationship with Jesus will never break and will last for all of eternity is because Jesus is supremely faithful.
When our marriage, or a marriage around us falters or fails altogether, even as we mourn and pray, we can exhale a sigh of relief when we remember that our ultimate marriage to Christ as His chosen people will never fail.
Because God has said, “never will I leave you. Never will I forsake you”.